Showing posts with label funny stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny stories. Show all posts

09 May 2011

Here's to you momma....

Instead of the usual lovely-written "props to mom" for Mothers' Day notes, this is my list of things no one ever told me about motherhood until I experienced them myself. And yes some seem rather interesting or may be a turn off to motherhood for some, but for me they all are things I now look back on and laugh at or just shake my head. Feel free to add your own in the comments!
It's funny no one tells you of the silly things you'll have to do and all the wonderful moments you'll have. There were so many sleepless nights with Ruby Red where the mainstream would be saying, "See, I told you so" when I treasured those moments.

Here is my list of what no one ever told me about motherhood. Some are funny, some are serious and some are sarcastic, but ALL are loving and I wouldn't change a thing!
No one ever told me that...

I'd be nursing my baby in the bathroom either
a) because baby was latched on in bed and I felt bad unlatching her. I would usually continue to nurse on the toilet until she was finished, feeling bad that I would have to interrupt her yet again. Several times my legs went numb waiting for her to finish...
b) because I couldn't bear her crying at my legs with a look of rejection. In her mind, it was as if I thought going to the bathroom more important than her.

I'd have stretch marks that make me look like a tiger. No matter how much cocoa butter I've slathered on they eventually came (maybe not with the 1st baby) and they haven't gone away, although they have faded.

I'd want my pre-breastfeeding boobs back because I wouldn't have to worry about cleavage. I remember the days when all I wanted was to get pregnant so that I could be bigger up top...


Babies take up more than half the space in bed and you and your spouse are clinging to the sheets so as to not fall off.


Baby puke smells amazing.


I'd also like the sweet smell of breastmilk poop.

Bodily functions are now a normal and acceptable topic of conversation (when talking about your children, that is).


Breastfeeding in public is so controversial, yet people are so ok with seeing breasts for sexuality on magazine covers. I never knew how "anti-breast-showing" people could be towards a nursing mother before I became one.


NFP comes naturally because momma's tired or the baby's nursing all night.


People think you don't love your child or are selfish if you choose not to vaccinate. Research!

Most of the books I now read for fun are about parenting or birth.


People will give all sorts of un-asked-for advice when it comes to everything parenting. After awhile, this is tiresome for a mother, even when it's well-intended.


People think you're an idiot if you're a stay at home mom instead of juggling work, kids and home. Apparently they don't realize how busy you really are. I wish I had the relaxing days people assume I have.


You're children mimick everything. This doesn't only mean the things you say but how you react to conflict and stress. Yikes!


At the end of the day, no matter how bad of a day it was, your babies will always love you and prefer you above all else.


It is so stinkin' impossible to keep a 1 year old clean all day, even with bibs.


Rocking your baby in the middle of the night is one of the most precious moments you can have with him/her.


I would spend most of my oldest's 1st year topless, trying to bond and get her to breastfeed better. 
You have to listen to that "gut feeling" instead of what your anybody else tells you about birth, sleeping, breastfeeding. etc. You'll truly know when you need advice and hopefully ask for it. But if you know you're doing what's right for your family, follow your heart!


Everything takes longer and is messier with a toddler.


My shirt has become the universal kleenex and always has snot marks across the shoulder.


I should also be packing an extra set of clothes for myself when we're out in public.


It's not that hard to make your own baby food instead of giving them that processed stuff in the stores.


I'd start eating healthier because I have to be a good example.


There are always cheerios in our couch cushions, even though I vacuum under them several times a week.


My car will never look clean for long, no matter how hard I try.


My husband is my rock and, although not a woman or a mother, the one I turn to first. The wisdom a loving father and husband has about a situation may be right on, even if I don't agree at first!

Our dates usually include our girls either going to a restaurant with us or asleep in the backseat while we're driving around on our "coffee dates".

Unless I shower at midnight, I have no privacy in the shower.

I'd become very good at singing Imagination Movers and Laurie Berkner songs.

No matter how bad I sound singing, my girls love it and it actually soothes them.

I'd get so much joy from simply watching my girls discover and enjoy life.

I always knew I'd love being a mom, but never knew I could love it this much. My girls are my world and when I think I just couldn't love them more, I fall in love all over again.

Happy Mothers' Day to all the fantasic mommas out there!

Mary, Mother of God, pray for us!

22 October 2010

A splash of color

So here are two funny stories that happened in our bathroom within a 24 hour period. (None of this is gross humor...just a two year old!) I figured I'd better jot them down for a good laugh later on!

(Before I begin I wanted to point out that I will be referring to my girls with pseudonyms in connection with their birth stones. Baby Blue is my now 7 month old and Ruby Red is my 2 year old)

So last night Baby Blue had a blow-out. This is pretty normal as she's now devouring table food and I cloth diaper her I put her clothes in the bathroom sink and filled it up to soak them until the girls went to sleep and I had time to scrub out the stains before they set. Ruby Red, very independant just like any other 2 year old, decided that she was going to go to the bathroom "all by my's- self" and then proceeded to wash her hands. ...And then play in the water. She often plays in the water. I have to change this kid at least 2 times a day, usually more, simply because of the soaked shirt sleeves. If this little girl could be a fish, she'd leave me for the sea in a heartbeat. It was after bathtime now and my husband and I were procrastinating on dressing her for bed because she was playing so cute. My husband and I couldn't help but laugh as her cute naked buns scampered off to get her pull-up from the bathroom when we finally insisted she get dressed. Then came the CRASH and slide.... Yes that's right. She had left the water running from her playing in the sink earlier and with the sink plugged to soak the clothes, the water flooded the floor out into the hallway and hallway closet. Our nice wood floors. (sigh) Who ever said wood floors were so nice and "oh you're so lucky to have them" obviously never had kids or a dog. The floor was a mess. I swear to you there was about 1/4 inch of water. It took 7 beach towels and one panicky toddler helping daddy clean up the soggy mess, but she was just so cute I couldn't help but smile.

Then today Ruby Red (it seems she's always up to something) and her best friend "Goldilocks" who is 3 were in the bathroom together. This isn't unusal for them. They cheer each other on when it comes to potty-ing and all things related. It's been positive for Ruby Red and she's much more successful when I leave the two of them and just check up occasionally. I was changing Baby Blue's and Goldilocks' sister's diaper (Tiger Lily- about 18 months) then figured I'd check up on the other two who had become increasingly quiet. I open the door to the bathroom to a beautiful array of color all over the floor. Mostly purple and orange crayon colorings EVERYWHERE and the adorable tracings of chubby little hands. They both looked up as Ruby Red exclaimed "Hi mommy. We're coloring our hands!" Goldilocks' response was "Isn't it so pretty?!" followed by "It was Ruby Red's idea!" I'm sure it was Ruby Red's idea, but haven't we learned that she's not full of too many good ideas?! All I could do was laugh. These are the days I'm going to remember and miss when they're all grown and too cool to color. Thank goodness for the Magic Eraser. Although I have to admit that part of me didn't want the crayon to come out so we could get rid of that horrid floor anyway, but money doesn't allow for that now so I guess it really is good that it came out!


All's well that ends well!