08 July 2011

I eagerly await every moment spent with you

Today was one of those days...  You know the kind I'm talking about.  The kids are miserable and nothing will help settle them down.  Not even stopping everything you're doing to just sit and hold them helps.  You give them Chamomilla 200c and an icy thing for them to chew on- both bringing no relief.  Finally you resolve that even though the baby has been awake for only an hour, maybe laying her down would be best. Great! One child in a better mood. ...Now on to the other who's pining for attention, yet not wanting to do anything you suggest. And, as I'm racking my brain for what to do with her I'm also staring at 2 loads of unfolded laundry, the dirty cloth diapers are calling out my name, there's dog hair everywhere, the floor has spill spots everywhere and don't even get me started on the bathroom...  Maybe it sounds like I'm losing it or exaggerating, but unfortunately I am not. I decide to make cleaning fun and include my daughter. It starts out great. We vacuum first, backwards I know, but I just had to get all that dog hair gone.  And then, my mood turns from getting better to instantly worse as I see all the cobwebs and dust bunnies under furniture, in corners and all around the baseboards. If you don't know me, then believe me when I tell you this is a nightmare for me. The baby is now awake and I am in a foul mood- and at nobody but myself.
In desperation I decide we're leaving the house for the day. I cannot deal with this calmly and rationally in the mood I'm in and do not want to take it out on 2 adorably innocent little girls.

Best decision I've ever made!

We headed downtown for what would become a most pleasant afternoon at the waterfront, with a picnic lunch, participating in free toddler activities that they have every Friday in the summer and then meeting up with our handsome man for some ice cream by the water. It was picture perfect. As we were walking with our girls my heart was all a-flutter and I couldn't help but think, "I feel like we're dating. I just love him." The girls completely enamored with seeing daddy during the workday, my mind began to wander and the thought came to me that whenever we're out either alone or as a family, I still get butterflies and go back to feeling like we're 17 again.  As my husband walked towards his car, headed back to work, I watched him. I thanked God for him and that I get to see him every day. I couldn't wait until he got home that evening to spend more time together. Just seeing him and being out of the house put me in the best mood ever.
Then I started to think again. Do I feel this way when I'm headed to Mass or am I this eager and in love when in front of the Blessed Sacrament? I should be. I don't dread going and often look forward to teaching my daughter about the Eucharist. But still, it's different. I don't think I often approach Mass or the Eucharist with such excitment, as if I am going to visit the Love of my life. Far too often I think that with the bustle of getting us all out of the house clean and happy I take our visits to Church for granted. This must change. Of course I'm going to have stressed out days where they don't want to cooperate, someone poops on the way out, there's still messy faces from breakfast and their hair hasn't been combed yet. I think my husband and I make a sincere effort to prepare for Mass but after seeing my husband today I realized that I have lately approached the Mass with more of a "Let's just get through this" and "I really hope the girls behave" attitude. I'm not saying we don't love Our Lord or enjoy going because I honestly think we both do. If we didn't, we simply wouldn't be going in the first place. I know faith is more than a feeling and I realize that feelings aren't the most important part but I do think they should be there. My whole self- body, mind, heart and soul- should long for the next time I will have Him in the Eucharist, as if one day is too long to go without Him. This is my challenge for the weeks ahead.