Together we will serve

I remember one day after daily Mass in highschool where my mom's friend came up to us and told us about a recent trip she went on with just her husband. She explained that they both had different ideas of what they're trip should look like and were trying to make each other happy. The woman decided to let her husband take the lead in planning and trust him. She admitted she was nervous and hoped he knew how to plan a trip successfully. She wasn't saying this to put her husband's intelligence down, but she was definitely uneasy about the whole thing. She was hopeful that her husband would lead them in a close spiritual encounter indiviually and as a couple. She was amazed by the graces poured forth on their marriage for doing this and was convinced it was because she relinquished control.

This story has stayed with me for years. It was a simple yet very profound lesson in a society where woman are advancing and often out-performing men in the business world. With the renaissance of woman having a say in public matters beginning in the 1920's, women have gone on to abuse this. Instead of "equality", woman now traipse around believing they are far superior to men.

How often do you hear women spout off sarcastic jabs at their husbands, boyfriends or other men they know saying, "They're such a man" or "Don't worry honey, it's a man thing". It's as if we're allowing men to be stupid because that's what we think they are. (I don't mean "we" here to mean you and I, but women in general). I mean come on, girls, let's give them a little credit!

Now I know it may have been one of those days or weeks when you're reading this thinking I'm crazy. I have those days myself. The socks and t-shirts are strewn about the bedroom, the wet towel is in a corner with clean clothes, you asked him to dress the baby and she's now in polka-dots, stripes and zebra prints all at once. I've been there. On the other hand, I'm not such a gem to live with all the time either.

I have made a conscious effort in my marriage to replace disdain and annoyance with acceptance and respect. In the past my husband would offer suggestions about wedding planning or mothering and I would immediately tense up. What would a guy know about such things?! Can't he just trust me and follow my lead?! And why does he think that he needs to copy me by sometimes sitting me down like I to do him to say, "You know, I think you're really getting caught up in this" or "This isn't really leading you to holiness. Maybe try               instead." As frustrating and humbling as it is to sit there hearing that you weren't quite the holy woman in an instance that you would like to think you are, it is reassuring to know that I have a marriage that is calling me to holiness. Our vocation, whatever that may be- married, religious or the single life, is a calling to lead a life in submission to the will of God so that we can spend eternity with Him.

My husband and I see ourselves as a team. There isn't one of us that "wears the pants", although we'll laugh along with whoever says it's me just so we're "normal". But really, we are both very opinionated and strong-willed people and need to work together to overcome our "human-ness". We always look at each angle before we come together to decide what the best decision is for our family. It often begins with something we're certain on and then changes as we open our minds to each other and what others have to say. I love knowing that no matter what the topic- parenting, birth, Catholicism, politics, family, money, job, etc.- we are on the same page!

Two are better than one: they get a good wage for their labor. If the one falls, the other will lift up his companion. Woe to the solitary man! For if he should fall, he has no one to lift him up. So also, if two sleep together, they keep each other warm. How can one alone keep warm? Where a lone man may be overcome, two together can resist. 
Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12

So often in today's society women take the words from Ephesians 5:22, "Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord." literally, as if St Paul is degrading women and making us slaves to men. But what about the verse before (5:21): Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Now we definitely have a new spin on things, and a humbling one at that. Let me go further:

For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So (also) husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "For this reason a man shall leave (his) father and (his) mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."  This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church. In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband. (Eph 5: 23-33) 

We see here an obvious parallel between Christ and the Church and a husband and wife. We are to enter into a partnership with one another. Wives, we are called to be respectful of our husbands. We are to work with them as they set out to take care of us and make us holy. Men are called to give their very bodies for our own well-being and to respect our bodies.

If women weren't so caught up in the "equality factor", they would see the beauty intended by Christ for marriage as depicted by St Paul in Ephesians.

1 Peter 3:3-4 goes on: Your [wives] adornment should not be an external one...but rather the hidden character of the heart, expressed in the imperishable beauty of a gentle and calm disposition, which is precious in the sight of God.

Verse 7 calls husbands on: Likewise, you husbands should live with your wives in understanding, showing honor to the weaker female sex, since we are joint heirs of the gift of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 

And finally we see in verse 8-12 a unity between the two and how they are to help the other to holiness: Finally, all of you, be of one mind, sympathetic, loving toward one another, compassionate, humble.

Do not return evil for evil, or insult for insult; but, on the contrary, a blessing, because to this you were called, that you might inherit a blessing. For: "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep the tongue from evil and the lips from speaking deceit, must turn from evil and do good, seek peace and follow after it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears turned to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against evildoers."  

We see here that we aren't told "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" but to forgive and move on in a loving manner. If we receive a snippy or rather cutting remark, let's try to chalk it up to the other having a rough day. When they're cooled down, that is when we can bring it up to let them know how much it hurt us. If we are always returning a rough tone with another, this isn't a dwelling for love and humility. And if we need to make a point known, let's not put the other down but work together calmly to figure things out. My husband and I have promised each other that we will not fight in front of our girls. So far, we have kept that promise. It may be 9 or 10 pm before we get to talking about an issue, but by then our initial anger has often subsided. If it hasn't, we try really hard not to yell and say hurtful things while still getting the point across. It is really hard to do! He and I are both passionate screamers and it takes a lot to not storm out of the room screaming that the other's wrong, doesn't care or thinks the other is stupid. Ugh! We have done away with much unneccessary drama and hurtful things that are said "in the moment". Our hope is that our girls will learn how to deal with conflict in a loving way and always be assured that their parents work as a team.

Mary, our blessed mother, is the perfect depiction of a humble servant who was blessed so immensely. She could have defended herself or her Son so many times (or gone around proclaiming that she was the perfect mother of God), yet we don't see her doing any such thing. She is our most perfect example of how we, as women, are called to live.


I cannot tell you how many times I have given up control of something only to be shown how it has sanctified our family. This can range from some tiny little thing in our family to something of much greater proportion.

I challenge you to truly follow your husbands. Call them on also, as we all need a little nudge to stay on the right path. But if you know that what he's telling you or suggesting isn't sinful, listen and pray. You never know the rewards that may follow- and you may not see them at all here on earth.

The Man of the Hour

Warning: This post is very long!


I was 10 years old when I met my husband. My sister, mom and I went to our first homeschooling function. I remember being in a room in the upstairs of the building, looking around shy and nervous, wondering if any of these kids would ever be my friends. Turns out, I gained three of the greatest girlfriends I could have ever imagined and a husband years later!
That day I honestly don't remember seeing any boys. My husband does remember seeing me though. He tells me that he thought I was so pretty and that I must be cool (poor guy, fooled him!) because I had one of those backpack purses that all the girls had, but mine was such a pretty fabric. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what backpack purse he's talking about.

After becoming comfortable with this new way of schooling and making friends, I eventually became interested in boys, just like most girls. My eyes were set on this awkward little boy with dark hair, the deepest eyes, biggest eyelashes and cutest smile I had ever seen. I told a girlfriend that lived across the street from me, "I'm going to marry that boy some day". She laughed and I remember telling her, "You laugh now; I'll be laughing on our wedding day." When that wedding day with that boy rolled around, I looked at the same friend and said, "Told ya!" She and I laughed in amazement. Why were we both so shocked?! Well, when I was 10 and I made such a nonsenscicle statement, he and I were NOT friends.



  

Classy & Beautiful
with our 2nd, Baby Blue


My sister and I grew up with his two younger sisters as our best friends (let's call them "Classy & Beautiful" and "The Exceptional Parent"). We danced together, had many sleepovers, pranked their brothers, played dress-up and Anne of Green Gables, loved watching the animated movie "Anastasia", drank iced tea (weird to mention, I know; but they'll know....) We had a blast! ....And I always had my heart set on their second brother....we should name him something. Hmmm....how about "the one watching the hockey game, all the while I'm hoping it's over soon!". No, that won't do. Guess I'll come back to giving him a name.

My sister, Ruby Red, and
"The Exceptional Parent"


 All throughout our teen years he continued to think of me as the annoying friend of his little sisters. He didn't need girls, he thought. He even told his one close friend, "If I ever show interest in [me], please just throw me down a flight of stairs". How rude! Haha!

As is typical of teenage girls, if a boy isn't paying you any attention you tend to have crushes on the boys that do, and so that's what my teens were like. I liked different guys here and there, but I always wanted it to be him. I started praying to the Blessed Mother night after night, begging her and her Dearest Son to just turn his stubborn little head my way. It was way more pathetic and dramatic than that in my prayers; kind of like my world was ending. Oy!

He left for US Marine Corps Basic Training the summer I was 16. Before then we had been "IMing" and mostly bickering about who was smarter and better online..and I have every one of those IM's. That summer I was determined to get him to notice me. I made some pretty stupid decisions to do so.  :::sigh:::  I also wrote him letters that were absurd since I really had no idea what to say to him, but he still has those letters; and I have begged him to never bring them out!



D, Me and MM



I saw him at an ice skating function that January. My other best friend (let's call her Missionary Mom-MM) skated over to give him a welcome home hug. Was she crazy?! You didn't just go up so such a hottie and hug him, I thought. And then he asked me for a hug!  Da Da Da!!!  I. WAS. IN. LOVE.

That spring we talked cordially for the first time ever and he began paying me notice. At my mom's prompting (can I just tell you how cool she is?!), I called him on his birthday. We started speaking often and that summer he asked me to a dance. I was so freakin' nervous I think I almost puked in the front seat on the way there....with all the sisters in the back seat....  I was shaking as we danced. I couldn't believe I was right there with him.



My parents, Us, My sister and
our exchange student who
came for our wedding!



The next day, and you'll really get a kick out of this, I saw him at another homeschool function and handed him a thank you note for the previous night. What a dork, right?!  LOLOL (I am laughing so hard right now I'm teary-eyed. What an idiot!) Our exchange student went up to him and asked him if he liked me. He told her that we were just friends. I could have died, but he called me later to explain, as I was crying, that he did in fact like me, but wanted to tell me himself. We decided to take things slow and see where they led. The next night he came over to hang out. (I am so grateful for my mom being such a talker or it would've been weird.) My parents eventually hurded the two of us outside so we could be alone. We sat on my back porch, awkward and mostly talking about our annoying barn cats that were climbing all over us. That same summer we went to the fair together where he told me that we was going to spoil me and treat me like a princess. Ok by me! And he still does!



October 6, 2005

We had a few rough patches as I left to go away for college. We broke up twice and I really wish we hadn't let friends influence us and put drama into an already difficult-to-maintain long-distance relationship. But through prayer and working together we always worked things out. He was deployed to Iraq for 10 months- the 10 longest and hardest months ever! I got in a car accident 3 days after he left, then I left to study abroad, I was depressed, miserable and gained weight. That summer was so hard but MM was there almost every day and encouraged me to keep pushing through. As the fall rolled around, I went back to school and started working out like crazy. He was due to come home October 6th. (And yes, I lost all 10 miserable pounds that I had gained.) When Oct 6th came, I drove home from school, was up way too early, changed my outfit 3 times (after trying outfits on for weeks before), drove my sister crazy, made my parents get to the drill center 3 hours too early (we were the very 1st ones there- I'm surprised they didn't all kill me!), and then I waited...and waited... His family arrived and my one sister-in-law brought me fudge to help me handle the anticipation. I still remember the feeling of relief, joy, and love that was out-pouring as I jumped into his arms and he swung me around. It was magical!

Before I went back to school, we visited our "special place" right on Lake Erie where we had carved our names on a tree before he left. We spent the whole day together and spoke seriously about the future. That spring semester he joined me at school and it was so strange to see each other every day, for the 1st time ever in our relationship. To my surprise, it was easy to go right back to being "us", although we were told by many that we would go through a rough patch.



Engagement Photo,
courtesy TimWill Photography



On April 15th, 2006, Holy Saturday, we were home for Easter and he asked me to go for a walk. I thought he was crazy. In our family we bless baskets that day and go to confession, as well as prepare for Swieconka (our Polish Easter traditions). I figured my mom would never go for it and besides, I didn't really want to- I was kind of cranky. I remember my mom marching up to my room urging me to just go, and so I did. We walked along in a beautiful park until we came to a bridge lined with lilies, my favorite flowers, and a dozen roses. My response to seeing the beautiful bridge, "Oh how nice, they decorated for Easter!" Wow was I slow! When he got down on one knee I was shocked, and of course said yes after tears and a beautiful speech he gave, of which I have no recall. (As a sidenote, I always wanted to be proposed to on a bridge. We had out 1st kiss after watching the "bridge scene" in the 2nd Anne of Green Gables movie.) We set a wedding day for September 8th of the following year, Our Lady's birthday.

Wedding day



Now, almost 4 years later, with our third baby on the way, I never knew that I could be more in love, that someone could be even more amazing, funny, sincere, caring, fiery, calm and selfless. He truly is incredible. I have many friends who tell me how lucky I am, that their husbands' don't even come close to mine. I feel so sad for girls who have settled. We are best friends and when the girls go to sleep at night, it's fun to see how young and flirty we still are. Life is full of ups and downs, that's for sure. I'm not saying that it's always easy or perfect, but we work together and respect each other. That makes a big difference.



I am so lucky to have a man who looks to St Joseph as an example and that we both try to live as the best Catholics we can. We strive to bring the faith into many moments in our family. I am just blessed. That's really all I can say!

The Four of Us and the little one on the way!



Thanks for reading! Sorry it was so detailed, but I've always wanted to write our story down somewhere.



Pray for Vocations

We visited my sister at the Carmelites of the Aged and Infirmed this weekend. She isn't in the order but discerning what God has in store for her and working closely with the sisters.
While there we had a lot of "down time". Between my sister, parents and my sisters two closest friends (who my girls also call "aunt") our girls were always with someone. It was nice for my husband and I. We got quite a bit of quiet time. It was like a retreat. The convent there looks out over the Hudson River and is on 86 acres. It is peaceful- serene. I personally took a lot of time to pray for my girls- for their future vocations, whether it be marriage, religious life or single. I pray that they always "discern the will of God; what is pleasing and acceptable in His sight" (from Rom 12).
Here is a prayer for vocations to St Therese that I found while there:
Dear St Therese of the Child Jesus,
Your love for God led you to Carmel
where you could offer your life for the
sanctification of Priests and the
salvation of souls.
Although you never left your cloister,
you helped missionaries with your prayers
and sacrifices.
Through your example countless souls have
been attracted to your "Little Way of
Spiritual Childhood".
We ask that through your intercession
many souls will follow your example in
leaving ALL for Christ, and will dedicate
their lives to Him in our Carmelite Vocation
of caring for the Aged and Infirm.

A holy marriage

Every Catholic has heard of St Therese of Lisieux and many have a great devotion to her because of her simple life and "little way". I too have a devotion to her and took her name as mine for Confirmation. However, I have recently began to be inspired by her mother; in fact, by her parents. What a holy life. It wasn't an easy one, yet they raised five saintly women. FIVE. I cannot even imagine. They must have had such calm dispositions. (sigh) Will I ever be there?!
As Catholics we each have a special calling. As a married couple we are to help our spouses get to Heaven. This holy family is such an example for each one of us. There were many saints and there are many striving to live holy lives today that don't have their family's support. Although I have been blessed with knowing nothing of what it would be like since I have both supportive and Catholic parents and in-laws, I can say turn to these two holy people for help. As parents, we really all should pray for their intercession.
To learn more about their family life and trials, here is one link.  There are many more out there.
The Martin Family


I encourage you to read about this holy family and their "Little Flower".