Our Road to Having a Homebirth

People who know how crazy and fast my labor with Baby Blue was probably assume that the reason my husband and I are choosing a homebirth with this baby is that we don't want another baby born in the car.  Although this made our decision a clear and easy one, it is not the main reason.

Once I found out I was expecting our first child I looked into every option and was drawn to the idea of a homebirth. Unfortunately this was not received with support from people I worked with. As I began researching more I felt it was a safe option, but then I also knew several women who had homebirths previously and let's just say a few left me feeling less than confident in the saftey factor. In fact, I became down-right afraid of what labor and birth entailed because of their haunting stories of their homebirths, so my husband and I decided that a hospital birth was the best way for our first little one. The birth went as smoothly as can be expected in a hospital setting, as long as I stood firm- even kicking a nurse because she really needed to back off. In any event, I look back on that birth with great fondness and no regret. I remember her purple little body being laid on my chest and me thinking, "She is not my baby...she is ALL my husband....but she's so pretty and I love her". Thankfully I had the presence of mind to insist on breastfeeding right away and she seemed quite enthusiastic about the idea. They let me completely finish feeding her before I handed her to my husband and mother while I was stitched up. (Because she came so fast I had a 3rd, almost 4th degree tear... This was truly the worst part of it all.)  The nurses were actually great this first time around in the hospital- very supportive, left us alone, let my daughter room in and never separated us. I had the greatest nurse (she reminded me of an old spirited southern nanny) who helped Ruby Red latch on and helped us breastfeed successfully. My OB/GYN was amazing as well and very open to whatever I wanted. I was very lucky.

The second time around I knew I couldn't listen to anyone else's stories of their births, whether in the hospital or at home, and had to go with my "gut"- and that was telling me to go with a homebirth. Yet my husband was skeptical, offering that he'd be OK with the decision to birth at home but not entirely comfortable with the idea. But I needed him to be more than OK- I needed him on-board 100% and knew that he wasn't. I have also learned that he comes around in his own time and so I prayed for wisdom, clarity and open-mindedness on both our parts. It became apparent that he wasn't going to be comfortable with a homebirth and I willingly accepted that. More than anything I needed us to be on the same page and I knew I could hold my own in a hospital setting so the thought didn't worry me in the least. I was somewhat criticized for letting how my husband felt affect my decision, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I prayed that through this birth my husband would see that there was a better way, but I also prayed for the safety of the baby and myself. I didn't want either of us to suffer to prove anything. God truly took care of this as our little Baby Blue couldn't wait any longer and arrived en route to the hospital, completely healthy and kicking away on my chest. She was a champ from the start and I again insisted on breastfeeding her before any "checks" be done on either one of us and the hospital obliged. This time I had an obnoxious nurse about my age who treated me like I was stupid and bossed me around, telling me I wasn't doing things right by having her sleep in bed with me and that I was nursing her too much. After putting that nurse in her place and being assigned a new one, our stay was lovely and relaxing and I had a lot of time to bond with her before we brought her home to meet Ruby Red. It really was a blessing in disguise since our Ruby Red broke a fever of 104 degrees the night I went into labor with Baby Blue. She lay on the couch listless and so sick and both her grandmothers did more to take care of her and give her the snuggles she needed than I would have been able to. I ached to be with her yet I needed to be with my new baby. God knew what He was doing and it really did work out the way it was supposed to.

Immediately after the birth of Baby Blue I was less than willing to compromise the third time around and was pretty frank with my husband. He instantly agreed that we'd go for a homebirth this time and became informed so that he, too, would be confident in our decision. He has been nothing but supportive and fought for what I want on more than one occasion this pregnancy. It's amazing to see the transformation and when I suggest something that I think may be a point of stress for us to talk through, he has trusted me, researched and backed me on everything. We were originally hoping to go with an unassisted homebirth and he willingly said he'd give it a shot. After much prayer I'm the one who decided this wasn't right for now. My previous two births being so quick I had no time to control pushing to reduce tearing or change positions. I also went into shock both times and was pretty sick afterwards, as my body didn't have time to ease into labor...and then suddendly there was a person coming out of my body. My husband was a huge factor in my being OK after the birth of both girls, but I'm still apprehensive about the tearing. In talking to my midwife about how I wanted to have an unassisted birth she has been nothing but supportive and encouraging, reassuring us that she will stand back and basically let us still have that unassisted birth, while being there to make sure I'm OK after the baby is born. I feel like I'm getting the best of both worlds as eveyone who I want to support me is doing so.

I am more than excited about the birth of this baby. My husband has been the most incredible support with my other two births and I couldn't do this without him. I'd like to call him my amazing "doula" but he really wouldn't like that...  Yet he really does know how to keep me calm and focused, which is quite a task as my body goes from 0-1000 in minutes. It's similar to a sprint- most women experience going through a marathon where they can at least ease into it a little bit and process what's going on, but so far I have had time for neither. We have pictures of us, our sonogram picture and the Blessed Mother present during the birth and he reminds me to unite my pain to the Cross. It is a very unifying and holy experience and takes away most anxiety. It truly is beautiful for us and I cannot wait to experience it with him again....except for those last few minutes of course. But those are fleeting and behold the most precious gift of a new life that we have cooperated in bringing into this world.

I have no regrets with our decisions in the past. They have helped shaped us both into true advocates for homebirth and fighting for what a woman wants and deserves during birth. Those experiences also give me a deep respect for each woman who decides to do it in her own way. One way is NOT better or more beautiful than the other.  Each brings a little baby into the world and each shapes your character and hopefully brings you and your spouse closer together. True, one way is best for you and your spouse and I hope you follow your heart in your decision.

It's A______!!!!!

As soon as people hear that you're having a baby the next question is usually, "Are you finding out?" No matter what the answer, you either get the nod of approval or the reason they did it differently, as if they have to defend their decision. Many even seek to put your decision down. I know because I've been there.

I never thought I would be one to find out the sex of my babies until I became pregnant. With Ruby Red I just had to know. I like to be very "hands-off" with pregnancy and birth, but I do believe that one or two sonograms is ok. I loved knowing that Ruby Red was a girl, buying pretty pink and purple things, referring to her as a "she" instead of "he/she" (careful not to call baby an "it"), and calling her by name. It was so wonderful to bond with her in this special way for 5 whole months before I saw her precious little face. And, it WAS a surprise!

~Debunking the "surprise" agrument: When people say,"We like to be surprised" it's such a weak argument because whether it's at 16 weeks or 40 weeks, you're going to be surprised! I don't think one way is the right way; it's up to you and your spouse and whatever you decide is perfectly fine! And when your aunt or whoever says they didn't do sonograms when they were having babies, well Auntie, it doesn't mean we're nervous about something being wrong with our baby or that we're too impatiant. We're excited, this bonding and calling baby by name is special to some and technology evolves so it's ok if we're doing it different from you. It doesn't mean "your way" was wrong!~

We decided to wait until the birth to find out with Baby Blue. We couldn't wait to know what it felt like to wait until the end and have that moment after laboring to have a wonderful surprise. Almost everyone in the family, myself included, was sure that she was a boy since the pregnancy was so completely different from Ruby Red's. I didn't want to think about the baby as either a boy or girl, but it just sort of happened and I was so sure. We had an eventful birth with Baby Blue in the car and as she was laid on my chest, I still didn't know if she was a boy or girl. I finally asked and my mom peeked to let all of us know. I was shocked, yet it wasn't the initial surprising feeling and anticipation of waiting that I expected.  (When you unexpectedly have a baby in the car, that shock kind of takes over any other.) I loved my little girl and was so excited that Ruby Red had a little sister to play with. I loved having a sister close in age to me and was really happy they'd have the same opportunity growing up. But, I do wish we had found out earlier so that I could have treasured that moment of finding out, instead of trying to keep her warm, wishing I could nurse her and hoping that the unlatched door wouldn't fly open on the highway. I know this is an extraordinary experience and most don't have to worry about this; but since I seem to have my babies quickly, we have decided to have that "moment" again around 17 weeks. I know many love waiting until the end and it is so special for them, and maybe with the next baby we will wait; who really knows!

So, today was the day! My husband and I were so excited for this day to come. We took the girls, my sister and my mom with us to the sonogram, although we didn't find out right there in the room with the ultrasound technician- I wanted it more personal than that. After the appointment we split ways with my mom and sister and the four of us (my husband, Ruby Red, Baby Blue and I) headed out to lunch. We had previously asked the ultrasound tech to write "winner" on a piece of paper, and place the name in either a blue Easter egg for a boy or pink egg for a girl, then drop them in my purse. When we got to the restaurant we had Ruby Red take the eggs out of the purse and open them to reveal baby....and



It's a girl!!!!! My sweet little Sophie!!!

Praise God for all of His blessings in our life!

May you always find peace with your decisions as parents, especially when you are criticized for such silly and harmless things!