Our Road to Having a Homebirth

People who know how crazy and fast my labor with Baby Blue was probably assume that the reason my husband and I are choosing a homebirth with this baby is that we don't want another baby born in the car.  Although this made our decision a clear and easy one, it is not the main reason.

Once I found out I was expecting our first child I looked into every option and was drawn to the idea of a homebirth. Unfortunately this was not received with support from people I worked with. As I began researching more I felt it was a safe option, but then I also knew several women who had homebirths previously and let's just say a few left me feeling less than confident in the saftey factor. In fact, I became down-right afraid of what labor and birth entailed because of their haunting stories of their homebirths, so my husband and I decided that a hospital birth was the best way for our first little one. The birth went as smoothly as can be expected in a hospital setting, as long as I stood firm- even kicking a nurse because she really needed to back off. In any event, I look back on that birth with great fondness and no regret. I remember her purple little body being laid on my chest and me thinking, "She is not my baby...she is ALL my husband....but she's so pretty and I love her". Thankfully I had the presence of mind to insist on breastfeeding right away and she seemed quite enthusiastic about the idea. They let me completely finish feeding her before I handed her to my husband and mother while I was stitched up. (Because she came so fast I had a 3rd, almost 4th degree tear... This was truly the worst part of it all.)  The nurses were actually great this first time around in the hospital- very supportive, left us alone, let my daughter room in and never separated us. I had the greatest nurse (she reminded me of an old spirited southern nanny) who helped Ruby Red latch on and helped us breastfeed successfully. My OB/GYN was amazing as well and very open to whatever I wanted. I was very lucky.

The second time around I knew I couldn't listen to anyone else's stories of their births, whether in the hospital or at home, and had to go with my "gut"- and that was telling me to go with a homebirth. Yet my husband was skeptical, offering that he'd be OK with the decision to birth at home but not entirely comfortable with the idea. But I needed him to be more than OK- I needed him on-board 100% and knew that he wasn't. I have also learned that he comes around in his own time and so I prayed for wisdom, clarity and open-mindedness on both our parts. It became apparent that he wasn't going to be comfortable with a homebirth and I willingly accepted that. More than anything I needed us to be on the same page and I knew I could hold my own in a hospital setting so the thought didn't worry me in the least. I was somewhat criticized for letting how my husband felt affect my decision, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I prayed that through this birth my husband would see that there was a better way, but I also prayed for the safety of the baby and myself. I didn't want either of us to suffer to prove anything. God truly took care of this as our little Baby Blue couldn't wait any longer and arrived en route to the hospital, completely healthy and kicking away on my chest. She was a champ from the start and I again insisted on breastfeeding her before any "checks" be done on either one of us and the hospital obliged. This time I had an obnoxious nurse about my age who treated me like I was stupid and bossed me around, telling me I wasn't doing things right by having her sleep in bed with me and that I was nursing her too much. After putting that nurse in her place and being assigned a new one, our stay was lovely and relaxing and I had a lot of time to bond with her before we brought her home to meet Ruby Red. It really was a blessing in disguise since our Ruby Red broke a fever of 104 degrees the night I went into labor with Baby Blue. She lay on the couch listless and so sick and both her grandmothers did more to take care of her and give her the snuggles she needed than I would have been able to. I ached to be with her yet I needed to be with my new baby. God knew what He was doing and it really did work out the way it was supposed to.

Immediately after the birth of Baby Blue I was less than willing to compromise the third time around and was pretty frank with my husband. He instantly agreed that we'd go for a homebirth this time and became informed so that he, too, would be confident in our decision. He has been nothing but supportive and fought for what I want on more than one occasion this pregnancy. It's amazing to see the transformation and when I suggest something that I think may be a point of stress for us to talk through, he has trusted me, researched and backed me on everything. We were originally hoping to go with an unassisted homebirth and he willingly said he'd give it a shot. After much prayer I'm the one who decided this wasn't right for now. My previous two births being so quick I had no time to control pushing to reduce tearing or change positions. I also went into shock both times and was pretty sick afterwards, as my body didn't have time to ease into labor...and then suddendly there was a person coming out of my body. My husband was a huge factor in my being OK after the birth of both girls, but I'm still apprehensive about the tearing. In talking to my midwife about how I wanted to have an unassisted birth she has been nothing but supportive and encouraging, reassuring us that she will stand back and basically let us still have that unassisted birth, while being there to make sure I'm OK after the baby is born. I feel like I'm getting the best of both worlds as eveyone who I want to support me is doing so.

I am more than excited about the birth of this baby. My husband has been the most incredible support with my other two births and I couldn't do this without him. I'd like to call him my amazing "doula" but he really wouldn't like that...  Yet he really does know how to keep me calm and focused, which is quite a task as my body goes from 0-1000 in minutes. It's similar to a sprint- most women experience going through a marathon where they can at least ease into it a little bit and process what's going on, but so far I have had time for neither. We have pictures of us, our sonogram picture and the Blessed Mother present during the birth and he reminds me to unite my pain to the Cross. It is a very unifying and holy experience and takes away most anxiety. It truly is beautiful for us and I cannot wait to experience it with him again....except for those last few minutes of course. But those are fleeting and behold the most precious gift of a new life that we have cooperated in bringing into this world.

I have no regrets with our decisions in the past. They have helped shaped us both into true advocates for homebirth and fighting for what a woman wants and deserves during birth. Those experiences also give me a deep respect for each woman who decides to do it in her own way. One way is NOT better or more beautiful than the other.  Each brings a little baby into the world and each shapes your character and hopefully brings you and your spouse closer together. True, one way is best for you and your spouse and I hope you follow your heart in your decision.

Qualified: The Case for the Homeschool Mom

My husband and I are soon journeying into "homeschooling" our preschooler. We hemmed and hawed at the idea even before we were expecting our oldest. We knew the sacrifices, the benefits and the things we would like to do differently (there's not much) because he and I, too, were homeschooled.

I have several friends currently dappling with the idea. Some are worried about structure and some about being "qualified" as a teacher. Let me set something straight, if you aren't a complete "ignoramous" you ARE qualified. The beauty of homeschooling is learning and growing with your child. Often your spouse will fill in where you aren't as versed. As a mother or father, it is our right, our duty to educate our children. We have been their primary educators since day one- why change that if the means (jobs, money, spouse, support, etc) allow us to do so? And since the institution of schools has been around for less than a century in the context that we know it, we can see that our children have grown and been nutured successfully in the home for hundreds of years. I know the argument could be made that only the wealthy were eductaed and had tutors but as truthful as this is, this isn't where all genius' came from.

I also realize homeschooling isn't for everyone. My husband and I support any family who decides a traditional school is best for their family. There is no "one way" for anything, education included. Homeschooling, for now, seems to fit us the best. Dan and I have agreed that we will take it one year at a time, each child individually and see what's working and best for that child, us (Dan and I) and our family.

Some would argue that because I'm a stay at home mom I'm not qualified since I don't have an education degree and haven't taught in a classroom setting. Well, I believe this absolutely preposterous! A few of my "education major" friends from college have straight-out told me that the parent is the most qualified teacher out there and that much of the schooling they experienced was about classroom management and planning lessons and bulletin boards, etc for a classroom. I won't have to worry about that. I won't have a classroom of 12 or more students in one grade level.

The fact is I am an educated woman. My husband and I have both earned Bachelors' Degrees and my husband holds a successful job. I went to school for Mental Health and Human Services, minoring in Theology and History. I held 3 internships in college and was offered a job at a local hospital with the agreement that I would be working towards my Masters Degree. After my time in college, I turned down this job in the mental health field, as I felt God had other plans for me and He sure did! It is humbling and sometimes overwhelming that I feel called to be the primary educator of our children- at least for now. It can be difficult to remain confiident in this, since both my husband and I have had conversations with people who aren't afraid to express that they don't think a mom or dad who isn't already a teacher is qualified to teach their own kids.

Because of our education growing up, my husband and I are interested and comfortable teaching different things, or at least different areas of subjects. We compliment each other well and feel we'll be able to provide our children with a well-rounded education. We want to make sure "logic" is something we stress with our children. I have heard that the homeschooled child only believes what their parents tell them. That can also be said of public school children in case you were wondering.  In the younger grades I believe this is important. They shouldn't be questioning their parents yet as they haven't fully cultivated their moral compass in order to figure out right and wrong. They need to trust that their parents aren't steering them wrong. As they become young adults we do want them to somewhat question, let's use the term "wonder", whether mom and dad are right or not. But I want them to do so knowing we are a sounding board. They can ask us questions, especially on morals, ethics, religion and politics. I hope they can see why we believe what we do. If they ask these questions they are making their beliefs their own and will be stronger adults, knowing what they believe, why they believe it and fighting for it. In summary, they should learn how to think not what to think.

Several things are also worth making mention of here. The more involved parents are in the now traditional school setting, the better the student is at excelling. This has been proven by studies of parental involvment and the percentage of high school graduates and college attendees. If we can easily see that parental involvement is important, almost necessary, why can't we go further and realize that if the parents are able to be their child's primary educators, it is such a gift to that child! To go further, let's bring in some statistics. Ew, I know, but important nontheless. The US has been rapidly declining where education is concerned. Once ranked #1 forty years ago, the US now ranks 27th in education among developed countries. The US also tied for 1st place in 1995 for high school graduates, but has since fallen to 14th place in 2006. It is sad to point out that we also have one of the highest college drop-out rates, being 53%. (In case you were wondering, Sweden, Iceland, Denmark, Finland, France and Norway rank highest in many of the percentages mentioned above.)

At these rates it seems obvious that our school systems are failing somewhere. I do NOT blame this on teachers who love their jobs and give their "all" in the classroom, but we all have experienced teachers who just get by, and have heard about the school systems you would never allow your children to go to. To see more on this click here. (This information came from Mothering magazine No. 155, July-August 2009.)

I was scrolling through one of my "mom homeschooling groups" online the other day and several moms were selling homeschooling informational books. My first thought was to jump on these and then the thought came to me that my husband and I already know all about homeschooling from personal experiences. We realize that we don't need to be versed in every homeschooling "philosophy". Instead, we need to focus on what works for us and our children and be committed to bringing the faith into our home. I don't need terms to define and defend what we're doing. My husband and I have talked extensively for the past 4 years about homeschooling, what our experiences were, what we want to keep, what we want to change, increase, decrease, and curriculuum we would like to use. The fact is we won't know every decision until we're at that point. A large part of the discernment will be our children, where we are, what new curriculuum is out there and is it better than the older textbooks that we loved. For now, my husband and I could name you almost every "textbook" for every grade and every subject we want to avoid and which ones we want to use, but I will not share this information with friends right now, because I simply don't know if we'll find something else by the time we get to that grade level.

I have been criticized for using the term "unschooling" as a philosophy that I believe in. To this I will say after reading "The Unschool Manual" a few months back I have learned that, for our family, this is much too lax as we become more involved with educating our children. I use the term loosely, as it is often interchangeable with "homeschooling" and "Montessorian" in our home. I do firmly believe that "unschooling" is the best for preschoolers, as I have seen firsthand how rigorous and strucutred preschools and kindergartens in the area can be. I do not agree with their form, but also think it may be necessary in a school-setting to teach a group of children to insure order instead of chaos. I, personally, do not believe in homework before middle-school and only as necessary after that. If a child is to be expected to sit for 6 hours in the classroom 5 days a week, how unfair to expect them to go home and do another 4 hours or more of homework. What a disadvantage for our children who should be out playing, getting dirty, exploring and questioning things he comes across in his world. This is another type of classroom; one where the child doesn't realize he's learning but he is! My husband recently read a study in a Men's Health magazine in which it was found that most sucessful CEOs spent a greater portion of time as children exploring, adventuring, taking risks and learning outdoors than those who headed up unsuccessful companies. I think the point is that you can learn some of your most important lessons outside of a structured environment. Making observations and asking questions is how the amazing men and women before us became great!

The beauty of homeschooling is the freedom of flexibility and changeability. If something isn't working, try something else. If a child hates learning about the earth's core and isn't planning on being a geologist or archeologist, teach it and move on without dwelling on this particular part of science. If they're interested in health sciences instead, expose them to more of this. I believe children need to learn everything, but it is unfair to force them to master every area of every subject. I spent a lot of my junior and senior years of highschool sitting in on pig's in lung surgery and rat's having spinal cords re-attached. (Really, I did and loved it!) I wanted to be a surgeon and my parents were able to provide ways for me to see what I could. As it turned out, I realized I was called to motherhood first and not to balancing a career as well.

For now we have a classical Catholic preschool curicuulum we have chosen for our daughter. It is meant to be done in 1 year, but already I'm splitting it into 2 years. I refuse to set certain days or times for preschool. We'll do it around the nursing baby, the toddler, the weather and other activities and family time. My oldest and I both thrive on structure, but since I don't feel this is the best way to instill a love of learning early on, we are taking unschooling and a structured curiculuum and melting them into our own preschool. I want some sort-of discipline early so she'll be able to be more independent and driven later on but I don't want any rigor or stress if lessons aren't learned in a certain time frame. Everyone learns at a different pace. I will not (or at least I will try not to) compare my children to other friends in the same grade or the same age. It's just like infancy- why force the baby to sit at 4 months, crawl at 6 months, etc when you know they'll eventually get it. We need to focus on our family not on others. I need to know that we're giving our children quality instead of getting caught up in competition.

May God make His will for your family known and may you be confident going forth in your decision!

Other articles worth reading: (You have to pay to read them. I do own these magazines and am willing to lend them to local moms.)
No More Homework- agree!
When Every Day Is A Homeschool Day- almost fits my unschooling thoughts to a "T"

Together we will serve

I remember one day after daily Mass in highschool where my mom's friend came up to us and told us about a recent trip she went on with just her husband. She explained that they both had different ideas of what they're trip should look like and were trying to make each other happy. The woman decided to let her husband take the lead in planning and trust him. She admitted she was nervous and hoped he knew how to plan a trip successfully. She wasn't saying this to put her husband's intelligence down, but she was definitely uneasy about the whole thing. She was hopeful that her husband would lead them in a close spiritual encounter indiviually and as a couple. She was amazed by the graces poured forth on their marriage for doing this and was convinced it was because she relinquished control.

This story has stayed with me for years. It was a simple yet very profound lesson in a society where woman are advancing and often out-performing men in the business world. With the renaissance of woman having a say in public matters beginning in the 1920's, women have gone on to abuse this. Instead of "equality", woman now traipse around believing they are far superior to men.

How often do you hear women spout off sarcastic jabs at their husbands, boyfriends or other men they know saying, "They're such a man" or "Don't worry honey, it's a man thing". It's as if we're allowing men to be stupid because that's what we think they are. (I don't mean "we" here to mean you and I, but women in general). I mean come on, girls, let's give them a little credit!

Now I know it may have been one of those days or weeks when you're reading this thinking I'm crazy. I have those days myself. The socks and t-shirts are strewn about the bedroom, the wet towel is in a corner with clean clothes, you asked him to dress the baby and she's now in polka-dots, stripes and zebra prints all at once. I've been there. On the other hand, I'm not such a gem to live with all the time either.

I have made a conscious effort in my marriage to replace disdain and annoyance with acceptance and respect. In the past my husband would offer suggestions about wedding planning or mothering and I would immediately tense up. What would a guy know about such things?! Can't he just trust me and follow my lead?! And why does he think that he needs to copy me by sometimes sitting me down like I to do him to say, "You know, I think you're really getting caught up in this" or "This isn't really leading you to holiness. Maybe try               instead." As frustrating and humbling as it is to sit there hearing that you weren't quite the holy woman in an instance that you would like to think you are, it is reassuring to know that I have a marriage that is calling me to holiness. Our vocation, whatever that may be- married, religious or the single life, is a calling to lead a life in submission to the will of God so that we can spend eternity with Him.

My husband and I see ourselves as a team. There isn't one of us that "wears the pants", although we'll laugh along with whoever says it's me just so we're "normal". But really, we are both very opinionated and strong-willed people and need to work together to overcome our "human-ness". We always look at each angle before we come together to decide what the best decision is for our family. It often begins with something we're certain on and then changes as we open our minds to each other and what others have to say. I love knowing that no matter what the topic- parenting, birth, Catholicism, politics, family, money, job, etc.- we are on the same page!

Two are better than one: they get a good wage for their labor. If the one falls, the other will lift up his companion. Woe to the solitary man! For if he should fall, he has no one to lift him up. So also, if two sleep together, they keep each other warm. How can one alone keep warm? Where a lone man may be overcome, two together can resist. 
Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12

So often in today's society women take the words from Ephesians 5:22, "Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord." literally, as if St Paul is degrading women and making us slaves to men. But what about the verse before (5:21): Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Now we definitely have a new spin on things, and a humbling one at that. Let me go further:

For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So (also) husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "For this reason a man shall leave (his) father and (his) mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."  This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church. In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband. (Eph 5: 23-33) 

We see here an obvious parallel between Christ and the Church and a husband and wife. We are to enter into a partnership with one another. Wives, we are called to be respectful of our husbands. We are to work with them as they set out to take care of us and make us holy. Men are called to give their very bodies for our own well-being and to respect our bodies.

If women weren't so caught up in the "equality factor", they would see the beauty intended by Christ for marriage as depicted by St Paul in Ephesians.

1 Peter 3:3-4 goes on: Your [wives] adornment should not be an external one...but rather the hidden character of the heart, expressed in the imperishable beauty of a gentle and calm disposition, which is precious in the sight of God.

Verse 7 calls husbands on: Likewise, you husbands should live with your wives in understanding, showing honor to the weaker female sex, since we are joint heirs of the gift of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 

And finally we see in verse 8-12 a unity between the two and how they are to help the other to holiness: Finally, all of you, be of one mind, sympathetic, loving toward one another, compassionate, humble.

Do not return evil for evil, or insult for insult; but, on the contrary, a blessing, because to this you were called, that you might inherit a blessing. For: "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep the tongue from evil and the lips from speaking deceit, must turn from evil and do good, seek peace and follow after it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears turned to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against evildoers."  

We see here that we aren't told "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" but to forgive and move on in a loving manner. If we receive a snippy or rather cutting remark, let's try to chalk it up to the other having a rough day. When they're cooled down, that is when we can bring it up to let them know how much it hurt us. If we are always returning a rough tone with another, this isn't a dwelling for love and humility. And if we need to make a point known, let's not put the other down but work together calmly to figure things out. My husband and I have promised each other that we will not fight in front of our girls. So far, we have kept that promise. It may be 9 or 10 pm before we get to talking about an issue, but by then our initial anger has often subsided. If it hasn't, we try really hard not to yell and say hurtful things while still getting the point across. It is really hard to do! He and I are both passionate screamers and it takes a lot to not storm out of the room screaming that the other's wrong, doesn't care or thinks the other is stupid. Ugh! We have done away with much unneccessary drama and hurtful things that are said "in the moment". Our hope is that our girls will learn how to deal with conflict in a loving way and always be assured that their parents work as a team.

Mary, our blessed mother, is the perfect depiction of a humble servant who was blessed so immensely. She could have defended herself or her Son so many times (or gone around proclaiming that she was the perfect mother of God), yet we don't see her doing any such thing. She is our most perfect example of how we, as women, are called to live.


I cannot tell you how many times I have given up control of something only to be shown how it has sanctified our family. This can range from some tiny little thing in our family to something of much greater proportion.

I challenge you to truly follow your husbands. Call them on also, as we all need a little nudge to stay on the right path. But if you know that what he's telling you or suggesting isn't sinful, listen and pray. You never know the rewards that may follow- and you may not see them at all here on earth.

"Spring Cleaning"

I would like to let you know that my blog will be getting a bit of a "spring cleaning" as I am refocusing it back to my family and my girls. When I began blogging it was simply to journal and keep track of adorable memories. Since finding out that I had an opportunity to make money with my blog I changed it to make it more informational. I have been disappointed in it as it isn't at all why I started blogging and the tone of it has, indeed, changed. I haven't pursued making money with my blog because I don't want to be told what to write about even if it is harmless. This may make my blog less interesting to some and I'm ok with that.

After a long and honest talk with my husband about how I felt, he and I have decided to start a private blog that we will both write in, mostly life-lessons, information and research articles we will write about vaccines, birth, pregnancy, parenting and life in general that we would like to share with our girls when they're older and hopefully learn from. They can take from it what they want. Our hope is that they know we will support them if their decisions differ from ours, as long as they stay centered on their faith, which we pray for daily. We want to be very candid and open with them about struggles we have had, ranging from long-distance dating, wedding planning, many aspects of parenting and staying focused on Christ in a world that often shuns Him. We are are doing this privately so as to be very open and not offend anyone. However, if anyone would like to know our take on something, we are willing to copy and paste a post for others. I will be creating a page on here of articles we have written on our private blog that we are open to sharing upon request, but they will be emailed to you only! I will also post links to others' blogs if it is a topic we fully believe for our family but neither of us has written about. I will back these articles 100% or I will not post a link to them. I am doing this because I have a few friends who have asked for our advice and am willing to give it if someone asks, but after praying about it, I don't feel I am supposed to be putting advice out there unless it's asked for.

I hope you continue to enjoy reading about our lovely girls. They truly are a joy and a blessing!

For activities, mostly holiday-related, feel free to visit Picasso Was Once A Toddler Too, my other blog. I will most likely be updating it around holidays or sacraments. I want to focus on being with my girls and not getting all caught up in showing off everything we do, what an "amazing mom" I am (j/k, I try!), and feeling the need to prove to people that I am educated, independent and smart even if "just" a SAHM. I have confidence in myself and my mothering and only what my girls think and remember about their childhood matters to me.
Please don't take this the wrong way. I love reading blogs and I give moms a lot of credit who can be so educational while remaining centered on their children. Again, I hope you continue to enjoy our simple stories!

The Man of the Hour

Warning: This post is very long!


I was 10 years old when I met my husband. My sister, mom and I went to our first homeschooling function. I remember being in a room in the upstairs of the building, looking around shy and nervous, wondering if any of these kids would ever be my friends. Turns out, I gained three of the greatest girlfriends I could have ever imagined and a husband years later!
That day I honestly don't remember seeing any boys. My husband does remember seeing me though. He tells me that he thought I was so pretty and that I must be cool (poor guy, fooled him!) because I had one of those backpack purses that all the girls had, but mine was such a pretty fabric. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what backpack purse he's talking about.

After becoming comfortable with this new way of schooling and making friends, I eventually became interested in boys, just like most girls. My eyes were set on this awkward little boy with dark hair, the deepest eyes, biggest eyelashes and cutest smile I had ever seen. I told a girlfriend that lived across the street from me, "I'm going to marry that boy some day". She laughed and I remember telling her, "You laugh now; I'll be laughing on our wedding day." When that wedding day with that boy rolled around, I looked at the same friend and said, "Told ya!" She and I laughed in amazement. Why were we both so shocked?! Well, when I was 10 and I made such a nonsenscicle statement, he and I were NOT friends.



  

Classy & Beautiful
with our 2nd, Baby Blue


My sister and I grew up with his two younger sisters as our best friends (let's call them "Classy & Beautiful" and "The Exceptional Parent"). We danced together, had many sleepovers, pranked their brothers, played dress-up and Anne of Green Gables, loved watching the animated movie "Anastasia", drank iced tea (weird to mention, I know; but they'll know....) We had a blast! ....And I always had my heart set on their second brother....we should name him something. Hmmm....how about "the one watching the hockey game, all the while I'm hoping it's over soon!". No, that won't do. Guess I'll come back to giving him a name.

My sister, Ruby Red, and
"The Exceptional Parent"


 All throughout our teen years he continued to think of me as the annoying friend of his little sisters. He didn't need girls, he thought. He even told his one close friend, "If I ever show interest in [me], please just throw me down a flight of stairs". How rude! Haha!

As is typical of teenage girls, if a boy isn't paying you any attention you tend to have crushes on the boys that do, and so that's what my teens were like. I liked different guys here and there, but I always wanted it to be him. I started praying to the Blessed Mother night after night, begging her and her Dearest Son to just turn his stubborn little head my way. It was way more pathetic and dramatic than that in my prayers; kind of like my world was ending. Oy!

He left for US Marine Corps Basic Training the summer I was 16. Before then we had been "IMing" and mostly bickering about who was smarter and better online..and I have every one of those IM's. That summer I was determined to get him to notice me. I made some pretty stupid decisions to do so.  :::sigh:::  I also wrote him letters that were absurd since I really had no idea what to say to him, but he still has those letters; and I have begged him to never bring them out!



D, Me and MM



I saw him at an ice skating function that January. My other best friend (let's call her Missionary Mom-MM) skated over to give him a welcome home hug. Was she crazy?! You didn't just go up so such a hottie and hug him, I thought. And then he asked me for a hug!  Da Da Da!!!  I. WAS. IN. LOVE.

That spring we talked cordially for the first time ever and he began paying me notice. At my mom's prompting (can I just tell you how cool she is?!), I called him on his birthday. We started speaking often and that summer he asked me to a dance. I was so freakin' nervous I think I almost puked in the front seat on the way there....with all the sisters in the back seat....  I was shaking as we danced. I couldn't believe I was right there with him.



My parents, Us, My sister and
our exchange student who
came for our wedding!



The next day, and you'll really get a kick out of this, I saw him at another homeschool function and handed him a thank you note for the previous night. What a dork, right?!  LOLOL (I am laughing so hard right now I'm teary-eyed. What an idiot!) Our exchange student went up to him and asked him if he liked me. He told her that we were just friends. I could have died, but he called me later to explain, as I was crying, that he did in fact like me, but wanted to tell me himself. We decided to take things slow and see where they led. The next night he came over to hang out. (I am so grateful for my mom being such a talker or it would've been weird.) My parents eventually hurded the two of us outside so we could be alone. We sat on my back porch, awkward and mostly talking about our annoying barn cats that were climbing all over us. That same summer we went to the fair together where he told me that we was going to spoil me and treat me like a princess. Ok by me! And he still does!



October 6, 2005

We had a few rough patches as I left to go away for college. We broke up twice and I really wish we hadn't let friends influence us and put drama into an already difficult-to-maintain long-distance relationship. But through prayer and working together we always worked things out. He was deployed to Iraq for 10 months- the 10 longest and hardest months ever! I got in a car accident 3 days after he left, then I left to study abroad, I was depressed, miserable and gained weight. That summer was so hard but MM was there almost every day and encouraged me to keep pushing through. As the fall rolled around, I went back to school and started working out like crazy. He was due to come home October 6th. (And yes, I lost all 10 miserable pounds that I had gained.) When Oct 6th came, I drove home from school, was up way too early, changed my outfit 3 times (after trying outfits on for weeks before), drove my sister crazy, made my parents get to the drill center 3 hours too early (we were the very 1st ones there- I'm surprised they didn't all kill me!), and then I waited...and waited... His family arrived and my one sister-in-law brought me fudge to help me handle the anticipation. I still remember the feeling of relief, joy, and love that was out-pouring as I jumped into his arms and he swung me around. It was magical!

Before I went back to school, we visited our "special place" right on Lake Erie where we had carved our names on a tree before he left. We spent the whole day together and spoke seriously about the future. That spring semester he joined me at school and it was so strange to see each other every day, for the 1st time ever in our relationship. To my surprise, it was easy to go right back to being "us", although we were told by many that we would go through a rough patch.



Engagement Photo,
courtesy TimWill Photography



On April 15th, 2006, Holy Saturday, we were home for Easter and he asked me to go for a walk. I thought he was crazy. In our family we bless baskets that day and go to confession, as well as prepare for Swieconka (our Polish Easter traditions). I figured my mom would never go for it and besides, I didn't really want to- I was kind of cranky. I remember my mom marching up to my room urging me to just go, and so I did. We walked along in a beautiful park until we came to a bridge lined with lilies, my favorite flowers, and a dozen roses. My response to seeing the beautiful bridge, "Oh how nice, they decorated for Easter!" Wow was I slow! When he got down on one knee I was shocked, and of course said yes after tears and a beautiful speech he gave, of which I have no recall. (As a sidenote, I always wanted to be proposed to on a bridge. We had out 1st kiss after watching the "bridge scene" in the 2nd Anne of Green Gables movie.) We set a wedding day for September 8th of the following year, Our Lady's birthday.

Wedding day



Now, almost 4 years later, with our third baby on the way, I never knew that I could be more in love, that someone could be even more amazing, funny, sincere, caring, fiery, calm and selfless. He truly is incredible. I have many friends who tell me how lucky I am, that their husbands' don't even come close to mine. I feel so sad for girls who have settled. We are best friends and when the girls go to sleep at night, it's fun to see how young and flirty we still are. Life is full of ups and downs, that's for sure. I'm not saying that it's always easy or perfect, but we work together and respect each other. That makes a big difference.



I am so lucky to have a man who looks to St Joseph as an example and that we both try to live as the best Catholics we can. We strive to bring the faith into many moments in our family. I am just blessed. That's really all I can say!

The Four of Us and the little one on the way!



Thanks for reading! Sorry it was so detailed, but I've always wanted to write our story down somewhere.



Baby Blue



Baby Blue is 1!


I've been wanting to write my birth stories for the girls for while and figured this was a good time since my Baby Blue just turned 1!

I can't even believe it! This year has gone by faster than any I remember. It was full of ups and downs, stress adjusting to 2 and lots of snuggles!

And so, here is the unpredictable story of Baby Blue's entrance:

My 1st labor being less than 1 1/2 hrs from start to finish I knew I was probably going to have another quick labor. After having false (but VERY real!) contractions for 10 days before Baby Blue was born, and going past the due date, I was frustrated and miserable. Why wouldn't I just go into full blown labor already?! St Patricks Day 2010 was spent with a very feverish and listless 20 month old Ruby Red. It was so sad. My little spitfire was down and out and I just knew that because she was so sick I would go into labor. I just knew it!
That night I stayed on the couch in the living room with Ruby Red until 1:30am, trying to bring her fever down. Finally we went to bed exhausted and she snuggled in between my husband and I.

I woke at 3:26am to some pretty bad cramping. At 3:30 the 1st real contraction hit and I thought: "Eh, this probably isn't it since I've felt like this for 10 days...but I better wake up my husband anyway."  And then they started coming. I could barely breathe and could in no way stand or walk, as my husband was begging me to get in the car so we were ready when my parents showed up.  My mom was going to stay with Ruby Red but my husband told her she should come to help me through the car ride, as he would be driving furiously to get to the hospital. I am so glad she came along! Right before my husband was about to get on the thruway I begged him to pull over- the baby was coming.  I lay on the back seat with a sheet under me (my husband prepared for this as this was our joke the whole pregnancy. Who knew it'd actually happen!) I remember looking pitifully at him saying, "I really don't want to have the baby in the car"  His reply: "Too late, the head is out!" I didn't even push once! He and my mom worked together to get the baby fully out, they laid baby on my chest and off we went again. Oh yeah....it was 4:07 am....a 37 minute labor! The door by my head wasn't fully shut, it was cold and I had no idea if it was a boy or a girl yet. (Needless to say, we WILL be finding out this time! I don't need any other surprises at the end....a surprise in the middle is a wonderful way to bond with baby until the end!) My mom finally checked and exclaimed, "It's a girl!" I couldn't believe it. This entire time I had been prepared for a boy as the pregnancy was sooo differenent from Ruby Red's!
When we got to the hospital I first insisted on nursing my new little bundle of love. She continued to "room in" with my husband and I, sleeping on my chest the entire time and nursing often, both much to the dismay of the hospital nurses. As a funny story I must tell of the ridiculous nurse of which I mention...  She was obnoxious. She was in her mid-20's, opinionated and wore the most horrid animal print scrub top- I will never forget it, unfortunately. She woke me EVERY 2 HRS in the middle of the night to see when Baby Blue had nursed last and scolded me for her sleeping on my chest. "You know, we can give her a pacifier and take her to the nursery so you can get some rest" and "She really shouldn't be eating so often", she said. I looked at her, and in my dazed and motherly stupor replied, "There's nothing wrong with her sleeping on me. I would be getting plenty of rest if you would stop coming in here. She nurses and goes back to sleep and hasn't made a peep. I don't think she's to blame for the lack of sleep!" I really cannot believe I said it, and that my husband slept through the whole thing, but I can say she rolled her eyes and never came back. HA!
(I do have to say the rest of the staff was awesome so please, I am not trying to insult nurses....just one in particular!)

I am so grateful for my amazing husband who talked me through the very stressful and painful "beginning" of labor. He is just incredible! He and my mom were awesome working together and I am so blessed! Many women have to worry about a fight for hierarchy between mom and husband, but they knew to communicate. It wasn't about them. It was about this sweet little baby. Many have suggested how horrible it must have been to give birth in a car. I always thought it would be! Now mind you, I will be having a homebirth this time as I really don't want to repeat a car birth, but they somehow made it peaceful and my birth experience: loving, silly to look back at and full of very warm memories.

 Our little Baby Blue is the calmest, sweetest and most mellow little girl and just melts all our hearts. So hear's to you Baby Blue....may you have many more joyous and blessed years surrounded by those who love you.  ....And please, no more frantic surprises!


Mommy and Baby Blue....minutes old 



Daddy and Baby Blue.... 2 days old



Proud Big Sister!





The Little Princess!



                      



  







U-Turn

Moms often have a pre-conceived idea about how they're going to parent: how they're going to put their babies to bed, are they going to use pacifiers, are they going to vaccinate, homebirth or hospital birth, disposable or cloth diapering, the list goes on and on. I too had these lofty ideas of the perfect way to love and nurture my children. I would say that I follow attachment parenting and love the reasons why breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, etc have come to be loved by many parents. I have to admit that if the hard-core AP mom looks at me, she may not think that this fits me all the time. I have come to realize that my children don't strictly fit a certain "mold" and I have to tailor my parenting strategies according to their needs, likes, or even what's working best for our family no matter what anyone else thinks the right way may be.
My husband and I have recently grown weary of the thought of putting Baby Blue to bed. She's such an angel and I have loved nursing her to sleep and then letting her sleep in our bed so that I could roll over and nurse her when she wanted to. However, for the past few months it hasn't been as nostalgic as it was in the beginning. This happened with Ruby Red too around 6 months and we resolved to patting her to sleep, which would sometimes take hours. In the end she would eventually drift off into a peaceful and uninterrupted sleep. It was wonderful. Baby Blue was different and if we patted her and sang to her she screamed. Yet our previous way also wasn't fitting us anymore. She'd be exhausted by 8 pm and want to go to bed only to be up 1 1/2 hrs later, playing for another 3 hrs absolutely miserable because she was really tired but we couldn't convince her of this. No matter what we did or when we put her to bed, earlier or later, this was the routine and it was exhausting both physically and emotionally on all of us and usually ended up with a 1-2am bedtime :/
My husband went out of town for a week and my first thought was: "How am I going to get Baby Blue to bed on my own?" It's one thing having someone there to trade off playing with and walking the miserable and tired baby, but all alone? And what was worse was that she didn't want me, she wanted my husband. When she was with me she felt she needed to nurse, but she was tired and honestly didn't want to so she'd lay in my arms thrashing and screaming as I was trying to hush and nurse her to sleep. It was so stressful. I was also newly pregnant and didn't know it; my "morning sickness" hits at 3pm only to get worse as the night goes on. By the time we got to 8 or 9pm I was so sick and so miserably tired I couldn't take it anymore. Little did I know I was pregnant, but I don't think that would've really helped! I swore I would never let my kids "cry it out". I didn't want them scared or having mistrust issues. I would tough it out. But one night I just couldn't do it anymore. I was so sick that I had to lay her in her bed with a binki and let her cry. I cried too as I felt I was failing as a mother. I would get up every 5 minutes to reassure her that she wasn't being bad but she really needed to sleep. And you know, it worked! After an hour of her crying she was peacefully asleep. And I can tell you for certain that she wasn't one bit scared as I made sure that I crawled off the couch to let her know I was there for her. She was mad, mad, mad but ok otherwise. I never let her get so out of hand that we got to the "point of no return". When she became really worked up I would nurse her, calm her down, then lay her back in her crib. She slept 8 hours straight that night then nursed for a long time in the morning. The next day I didn't feel as sick but thought we should give it a shot again. Waaay easier. She knew what I was doing, got mad and then gave up. The third night was a little more difficult and I thought we should give it up but I didn't; I just felt I had to be firm with her. Every other night after that became easier and easier. I cannot tell you what day we're on anymore, only that she's in bed by 8-8:30 after a good nursing and asleep until 7am. Seriously! She'll occasionally wake up and talk to herself and then put herself back to sleep. I can't believe it. She really only cried 3 nights, but was doing that before when it was me and not my husband...  And the same goes for naps- I put her down with her binki, may have to go in a few times to find it for her and viola! What started out as a desperate attempt to have some peace has truly turned into just that and it wasn't the horrible, unloving scene that I had always pictured. I may not do this with the next baby. Every baby is different and this is what was in the best interest of our family. Baby Blue needed a firm but gentle reminder that she needed sleep. It wasn't a punishment and it wasn't out of selfishness on my part. Sometimes you have to take a U-Turn in parenting to see if something works, even if you swore you never would. As long as your decision or trial is done out of love and looking after what's best for your baby I really think it's ok. I wouldn't have always said this. My new style of parenting: "Baby-led parenting"; that's what I'm going to call it.
I will add one more thing and that is that I will for certain never try this with a young baby. I think that would be a little selfish and you have to first establish a good trusting relationship with your baby so that they know you're always there. I would hate it if my baby was ever scared because of something I was doing. I apologize to every mother out there I've ever judged for letting their baby cry it out. I believe that every parent that truly loves their child makes their decisions out of love. As long as that's at the forefront there's no way you can go wrong!
(Suggestions or other tips welcome as long as they're respectful. I'm sorry to anyone who disagrees with me but it may not be right for you and your family and if you've never given it an honest-to-goodness try, please don't judge.)

"The No Cry Sleep Solution" worked wonders with Ruby Red, but not so much with Baby Blue. I am still a HUGE advocate of this book! As I said, every baby is different and we tried everything from this book with Baby Blue, but in the end I think we took the right approach.

A splash of color

So here are two funny stories that happened in our bathroom within a 24 hour period. (None of this is gross humor...just a two year old!) I figured I'd better jot them down for a good laugh later on!

(Before I begin I wanted to point out that I will be referring to my girls with pseudonyms in connection with their birth stones. Baby Blue is my now 7 month old and Ruby Red is my 2 year old)

So last night Baby Blue had a blow-out. This is pretty normal as she's now devouring table food and I cloth diaper her I put her clothes in the bathroom sink and filled it up to soak them until the girls went to sleep and I had time to scrub out the stains before they set. Ruby Red, very independant just like any other 2 year old, decided that she was going to go to the bathroom "all by my's- self" and then proceeded to wash her hands. ...And then play in the water. She often plays in the water. I have to change this kid at least 2 times a day, usually more, simply because of the soaked shirt sleeves. If this little girl could be a fish, she'd leave me for the sea in a heartbeat. It was after bathtime now and my husband and I were procrastinating on dressing her for bed because she was playing so cute. My husband and I couldn't help but laugh as her cute naked buns scampered off to get her pull-up from the bathroom when we finally insisted she get dressed. Then came the CRASH and slide.... Yes that's right. She had left the water running from her playing in the sink earlier and with the sink plugged to soak the clothes, the water flooded the floor out into the hallway and hallway closet. Our nice wood floors. (sigh) Who ever said wood floors were so nice and "oh you're so lucky to have them" obviously never had kids or a dog. The floor was a mess. I swear to you there was about 1/4 inch of water. It took 7 beach towels and one panicky toddler helping daddy clean up the soggy mess, but she was just so cute I couldn't help but smile.

Then today Ruby Red (it seems she's always up to something) and her best friend "Goldilocks" who is 3 were in the bathroom together. This isn't unusal for them. They cheer each other on when it comes to potty-ing and all things related. It's been positive for Ruby Red and she's much more successful when I leave the two of them and just check up occasionally. I was changing Baby Blue's and Goldilocks' sister's diaper (Tiger Lily- about 18 months) then figured I'd check up on the other two who had become increasingly quiet. I open the door to the bathroom to a beautiful array of color all over the floor. Mostly purple and orange crayon colorings EVERYWHERE and the adorable tracings of chubby little hands. They both looked up as Ruby Red exclaimed "Hi mommy. We're coloring our hands!" Goldilocks' response was "Isn't it so pretty?!" followed by "It was Ruby Red's idea!" I'm sure it was Ruby Red's idea, but haven't we learned that she's not full of too many good ideas?! All I could do was laugh. These are the days I'm going to remember and miss when they're all grown and too cool to color. Thank goodness for the Magic Eraser. Although I have to admit that part of me didn't want the crayon to come out so we could get rid of that horrid floor anyway, but money doesn't allow for that now so I guess it really is good that it came out!


All's well that ends well!

My holy example

Day in and day out I struggle to be a saintly wife and mother. It seems as though there's always some new weakness I have to overcome. It can be discouraging. As soon as I feel I'm getting anywhere there's a new "bump" in the road. One step forward, then a few steps back. My husband encourages me by telling me that he's seen a difference in me since we started dating, and indeed I have changed many dreadful things when I look at the big picture. But impatience, intolerance, my opinions and temper seem to be lurking around every corner, ready to bite the bait and cause me to fall. I hold very dearly to my heart many women of the Church who I feel are tangible examples of how to live a holy life. In each of their lives I find solace and encouragement. And, the even better part is that only one of them was perfect! The others messed up just like me. Well, maybe not just like me; I mean, they are saints after all and I still have a long way to go. But the journey is part of it. How can we be examples to others if they only see us as perfect, right? I will most likely be referring to these holy and courageous women often.


St Gianna Beretta Molla. If you're a Catholic the name may be familiar to you, either very much so or only a little. Growing up I knew her story and thought her life heroic. But this isn't what did it for me. We weren't yet "spiritual friends" per say. I didn't look to her for guidance or think of her almost every day as I do now. A household sister of mine (I'll get into households later on....) bequeathed me the book "Love Letters to My Husband" by St Gianna.
Intrigued I devoured it. And then re-read it over and over and over again. The timing couldn't have been more perfect for such a gift that I still treasure. My at-the-time-boyfriend (now husband) was being deployed with the United States Marine Corps. I was a sophomore in college and struggling. Our relationship seemed continually challenged by guys paying me attention away at school and friends confusing me because, looking back I honestly think they were jealous of my amazing find in dating such a caring and Catholic man and wanted nothing more than to mess things up. It's a long and rather taxing part of our relationship and so I will save the details and lessons learned for only the two of us to know about. His deployment worried us. Would we make it through these months apart? I would be studying abroad for five of the months and so correspondance would pose even more challenging as I missed many of his phone calls because I was traveling that weekend or I had horrible reception or no more minutes on my pre-paid cell phone. Yet this book was my inspiration. It seemed as though, through these beautiful letters of Gianna and her husband Pietro, I was nudged to keep going when I just want to melt in a corner and cry. Throughout much of their married life they were long-distance as Pietro travelled for work. They did the whole long-distance thing with three young children and here I would be sulking when I was in one of the most beautiful places in the world with no children left for me to tend to alone. Although his safety and the question of "us" remained at the forefront, I took comfort in their beautiful letters to each other. I wanted that so badly- a life and family with him, that is. Now, five years this past October 6th of his returning from overseas, after three blessed years of marriage and two beautiful girls later, we are back to him travelling often for work. St Gianna is always my little "prodder" and at the center of my thoughts when he travels. That poor book is dog-eared, highlighted and torn and I love it. I love the exchanges between them. Come to think of it, I wonder why my husband and I don't write handwritten letters anymore. I literally have boxes of our handwritten letters from previous years. Sometimes I would like to dismiss this digital age and all of its conveniences of texting and emails for something much more tangible. Hmmm, something to think about and try to put into practice. For now, I will have to leave my thoughts here as I hear the rustle of the girls waking from their naps. As one last thought, obviously I haven't even touched on the well-known reasons why this woman is so great and has been priviledged with the title of "saint". This isn't merely to teach a religious lesson but rather to share as to why I have such a connection to her. I have posted a link if you would like more information on her.

http://www.saintgianna.org/stgiannalife.htm